You have to follow your own instincts on this one. I was in a similar situation in one of my first jobs when my manager made a derogatory comment about Jews and my husband was Jewish. I stewed on it and was about to say something, but then my manager came to me and apologized. Seems like someone else had overheard and clued him in. It never erased the damage that had been done, but at least I had the satisfaction of knowing that he felt like a jerk. If you feel you need to say something, I completely understand, but I advise you to maintain your professionalism and leave the moral outrage at the door. Maintain your composure for best results. Speak from the heart and treat the issue like a problem to be resolved.

Subjectivity is the downfall of most performance appraisal systems that require a manager to rate an employee on behaviors. One way to minimize subjectivity is to define both the job dimension (such as attitude) and each tier of the rating scale. For example, for the dimension “attitude,” the rating of “excellent” could be defined as “is consistently open and eager to accept new tasks, maintains a positive disposition even during periods of extreme stress, and is flexible and agreeable to a variety of work assignments.”

This way, you can at least be sure that managers are working with a common understanding of what “excellent attitude” means. I would also eliminate dimensions that are not critical to getting the job done, and I agree that rating an exempt employee on attendance seems counter to the meaning of exempt. My suggestion is that if an exempt employee has an attendance problem, it should be discussed outside of an appraisal system. For a non-exempt employee such as a receptionist, where attendance may be a critical component of the job, you might wish to include it.

There are a number of ways that an organization can minimize employee-related liability and risk. Unlike some, however, mid-employment criminal background and credit checks could be legally complex. I strongly urge you to seek legal counsel before implementing any such practice. Other ways to stay ahead of the game include creating a policy to require employees to notify HR within days of any convictions, requiring employees to take at least one five-consecutive-workday vacation (this allows issues to surface), and having appropriate accounting and data controls in place. Other less structured approaches focus on open communication to keep morale and company loyalty high.  

It’s sort of like the cobbler’s son having no shoes. Those of us charged with interpersonal problem-solving for an organization are expected to also solve our own problems—without anyone else’s help. It can be somewhat isolating, but I’ve found that outside professional contacts are very helpful, for example, HR or other trusted colleagues from past jobs, members of the HR association (SHRM) that I belong to, and sometimes my friends and family. If your firm is a member of The Council or if you are a Leader’s Edge magazine subscriber, I’m happy to help! You can reach me via this website or give me a call at 202.662.4435.

Very recently, The Council did a mini-survey of member firms to gather “most commonly observed holidays.” We received responses from more than 100 member firms. See the results in the Talent and Acquisition section of our management resources site at www.ciab.com/Products/ManagementandTalentDevelopment.aspx.

Unless you have a policy that states that you will pay out unused PTO before the end of the year, then paying them the first week of the new year should be fine. You’ll want to make sure that you communicate to staff so they know when to expect the payout, and you should loop in your accounting team to make sure they properly record the liability and subsequent expense.

Try to separate his salary increase from his mistake. One is based on long-term contribution, and the other is one incident, albeit a troubling one. Talk to him openly and communicate the expectation, or more accurately, the requirement that other people’s compensation information is never to be used for his personal gain. If he thinks he is underpaid, address those issues, but let him know that the data will be market-driven, not based on internal data. If this is an employee you highly value, you might want to answer questions he has about compensation policies and practices at your firm. Sometimes, understanding why things are the way they are will alleviate this type of situation.

The only silver lining I see is that the deadline is coming up, so the situation appears to be short-term. Many employees around the country are in the same boat due to downsizings and hiring freezes. Try to stay the course and keep your spirits up—extra hard work, done with enthusiasm and a positive demeanor, is rarely overlooked by management. And take care of yourself as best you can. Not eating well and forgoing exercise will make you even more tired and unable to cope with the stress and long hours.

You should speak to someone in management or human resources because this woman could hurt herself or hurt others if, for example, she got in her car and drove home in this condition. However, be objective and don’t pass judgment. While substance abuse could be causing the problem, so could a myriad of other issues such as a bad reaction to prescription medication, severe sleep apnea or illness.

No matter how small the amount, this is certainly against company policy and could be considered theft in the legal sense of the word. I would tell her that taking money from the petty cash box without proper approval, even for a short-term loan, is wrong. I would tell her that she needs to go to her supervisor and tell her supervisor what she did. I would tell her that I can’t put my own job in jeopardy by covering up for her and that if she doesn’t resolve the issue with her supervisor then I would have no choice but to go to my supervisor about the situation. Then I would follow up and follow through.

Assuming there are rational business reasons to offer this benefit to only a few employees, then communication is the key to eliminating feelings of inappropriate, special treatment. For example, if this is a pilot program and the selected employees met certain criteria that allow them to easily telecommute, then inform those that are questioning the fairness of the situation. You don’t need to call everyone together unless you think the issue is both pervasive and explosive; just talk to employees as the issue comes up and encourage them to ask questions. No need to hold your breath. If the decision was based on sound business reasons, then letting staff know should do the trick.

We all share the same concern that our staff will all come down with the flu on the same day and be gone for a week or more. This won’t happen, but we can expect and should prepare for increased absenteeism. The first step is prevention: Educate your employees about the importance of frequent hand-washing and coughing into a tissue or sneezing into the crook of their arm. (Gross, yes. Effective, yes.) Stock the office with plenty of tissues and hand-sanitizer. Provide flu shots on site. Make sure employees know that the expectation is for them to stay home if they are ill, and send employees home if they report to work with symptoms. Set up telecommuters now, before the absences start, to encourage those sick to stay home and to keep healthy employees out of buses and subways where contagion most likely occurs. Consider extending your paid leave program or implement a paid leave program if you don’t have one already—many employees, for financial reasons, may hide symptoms so as not to lose pay. For more information on flu management, go to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s H1N1 informational website at http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/general_info.htm.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with your manager complimenting your appearance, particularly if there have been significant, noticeable changes. For example, if you went from brunette to platinum blonde, long locks to a buzz cut and/or lost 75 pounds, I think it would be bizarre for any manager not to say something. But, if you haven’t undergone drastic physical change, figure out when and why this attention went from fun to freaky. Maybe his tone of voice or body language has changed. Maybe it was fun at first because there was some mutual flirtation and now you’re not interested in that type of playfulness. Regardless of the reason, if you think his comments are now weird, you owe it to him and yourself to let him know things have changed. Next time he tells you he likes your new shoes, you could say “thanks” without an accompanying smile or eye contact. After several compliments with no positive response from you, I bet the comments stop altogether.

At the end of 2008, firms that in the past had hosted lavish holiday parties either scaled back or eliminated the events altogether. As far as I can tell from various surveys and blogs, party budgets are still tight, but most companies plan on celebrating the end of 2009. Reduced budgets sometimes can lead to more creative and fun ideas, such as lively cocktail parties with heavy hors d’oeuvres instead of a staid sit-down dinner, in-house catered lunch parties with the afternoon off, bowling at an upscale bowling alley, or a day of community service followed by happy hour at a local restaurant. Last year, The Council’s and Leader’s Edge magazine’s management team planned and hosted an informal in-house event—partially catered and partially potluck. We closed the office for the afternoon, and with the help of games (Wii, cards, board games), funny certificates for the employees, recognition from senior staff, and great conversation, we had such a terrific time that we’re doing it again this year. Most times it’s not the money you spend but the spirit of the party that makes it a success.

Okay, I admit it: I’m the “anonymous Leader’s Edge columnist.” I have a 15th of the month LE deadline every month, and I usually miss it by a day or two—every single darnn month. Other deadlines I don’t miss. So I’m asking you readers for suggestions. E-mail me at Julia.Kramer@leadersedgemagazine.com. I promise to not only try each suggestion, but I will use the ideas for an upcoming Managing Principles column in the print magazine.

The reason to offer casual attire on Fridays is simple: It’s a desired benefit that you can offer to staff at no cost. However, this reason is not at all compelling if your firm is a very traditional one that has lots of guests or clients who dress in traditional business attire. You need to think of the business implications to casual business attire first and then, if there are no barriers, suggest one day a week (Fridays are very popular) on which employees can dress less formally. Taking a baby step by allowing business casual with formal guidelines about what’s appropriate and what isn’t may help firm management feel comfortable considering this change.

If your rewards system—salary increases, bonuses, promotions—is based on an individual’s accomplishments and failures, then you should have some vehicle to document performance. If you don’t, you run the risk of inequitable treatment of employees and of not being able to defend yourself against a claim of unfair employment practices. In addition, many employees depend on evaluation feedback to make changes to their behavior and to improve their performance. Present these facts to your CEO but let her know that you are not wedded to the current system (because, in truth, a system that doesn’t work for managers is satisfying only half of your constituency). This shows that you are looking out for the organization and the employees while at the same time respecting her opinion.

I’ve found that the best way to engage off-site staff is to give them projects or deliverables and assign a hard deadline. A simple example: You want to have a team meeting via conference call. First, send out a meeting invitation that requires an RSVP (deliverable) by a specified date (deadline). If you don’t hear from everyone by that date, make a personal call to the non-responders to find out why they didn't respond. Listen to their reasons and get them to commit to the upcoming meeting and/or elicit the reason they will not be able to attend. If they say they will attend and then do not, call them immediately after the meeting and ask them why they did not attend. If they decline the meeting up front, make sure they have a true and unavoidable business conflict. If they don’t, tell them that the meeting is mandatory. I know this sounds heavy-handed, but you’re already having trouble. At some point you may have to escalate the situation to your own or their manager, but making sure you’ve communicated your expectations and that you will not make a lack of participation an easy option may get you the results you want.

That’s a tough one. My first instinct is to say don’t take sides! This will take some fortitude on your part, but taking sides with one faction all but ensures that you lose out on relationships in the other. And if you’re new, you still probably don’t know the issues and the players well enough to make an educated decision anyway. Another option, depending on your role and your skill set, is to try to be instrumental in changing the culture, unraveling the conflict and/or working to bring the two sides together. Maybe speak to HR. Regardless, it’s always better to be part of the solution than to be part of the problem.

Yes, we can help! The Council has published a guide on its website to help managers communicate before, during and after a reduction in force. Find it at www.ciab.com under the Products and Services tab in the Management Talent and Development section.

I think getting the desired results trumps working long hours. I know people that can power through a full week’s worth of work in fewer than five days without a problem. They are focused and self-directed. They are clear on agreed upon goals. They are typically highly experienced, and they know when to include others. These folks feel successful, confident and in control of their own destiny. Others tend to try to prove their worth by working long hours—early mornings, late evenings and weekends. They frequently are so exhausted that they lose all job satisfaction. They also don't feel valued or successful since most firms reward results, not effort.

Start with baby steps. Say hello in a friendly tone of voice whenever your paths cross. If she responds positively a few times, you might take the opportunity to say, “I feel bad about our disagreement, and now that we’re going to be sitting next to each other, I’d like to put it behind us.” Chances are she’ll feel the same way and respond in a positive manner. If she doesn’t, then you have done what you can in a very professional manner, and all you can do moving forward is to treat her with courtesy and professionalism.

I’m not a fan of any reward that doesn’t benefit all employees, so “bring your pet to work day” would not be on my list of creative benefits. Not to mention that you might run afoul of health codes, those with allergies, and employees who just don’t want animals to be part of their workday. However, I think you’re on the right track when you suggest a longer lunch break and a work from home once a month option. Other similar benefits include summer hours (for example, four longer work days with an early quit time on Friday), extra vacation days to be taken during a specific time frame with manager’s approval, early closing the day before a holiday weekend and flexible schedules. Next to money, employees like more time off. So if you are pinching pennies, help them by improving their work-to-fun ratio. If you can’t give time off, consider upping deserved feel-goods like recognition and positive feedback—some managers even hand-write thank-you notes to their staff to show them that their work is appreciated.

In this economy it’s difficult to make a decision to leave a job, but my question to you is, “Why are you still there?” You believe you are unappreciated, resented, and treated poorly and unfairly, and you are being paid less than others in the same or similar position. This is not the foundation for a satisfying or successful career. However, you seem to want to stay (even though you sign yourself “at my limit”), so here are my three suggestions:

• First, seek out someone in HR or a manager whom you trust and present your case to him or her. Find out if you are on target or if your perspective is skewed. If on target, ask for advice on how to proceed and follow the advice.
• Second, be a student of your manager’s positive relationships. Determine through observation how best to approach her, engage her and interact with her. Apply what you’ve learned.
• Third, go for broke and talk to your manager about your concerns. But weigh all possible outcomes if you choose this option, including losing your job.

I chuckled that you signed off as Keeping It Simple since your question is anything but. It is so complex that I consulted a couple of top-notch employment attorneys to craft an answer. After much legal discourse, they said you should consult your employment attorney before you take any new action or continue down the road you are on. There are myriad issues here, including but not limited to complicated laws such as the American’s with Disabilities Act, Fair Labor Standards Act and Family Medical Leave Act. There are also other thorny issues, such as employment contracts and disability coverage. Your best chance of making this very tricky situation as simple as possible is to get good legal advice.

Tough one, but sometimes people overreact because a normal reaction just doesn’t get them the attention they crave. You can experiment to determine if this is the case. Next time he is obsessively worrying, go to him and say, “Wow, you are really worried about this. I feel bad that you are so stressed. What can I do to help you fix the problem?” See if he calms down a bit. If so, you’ve got your answer because after a while he won’t feel the need to overdramatize a situation to gain an audience. If not, then you need to figure out a way not to get sucked into his wild mood swings, such as openly addressing the issue with him, learning stress management techniques, speaking to HR, or physically removing yourself from the situation.

Be honest and tell her. Next time she says something snarky about your firm, say, “I’d rather not talk about work, tell me what fun stuff you have planned for the weekend.” If she won’t change the subject, be more direct and tell her that you know she has bad feelings about the job but that you are still there and you don’t want to talk badly about the company. If she still persists, you can either ignore her comments completely or change the subject yourself. Or, and I hope this doesn’t happen, you could choose not to keep in touch with her any longer.

I’m always interested in why people think other people are lazy. Usually, it’s because they are too busy themselves, and they see the other person on personal phone calls or surfing the Internet. Before you do anything, make sure your employee’s workload really is comparable to others’ in the office. It may be that you are underestimating capacity. Make sure he’s not on the phone a lot or on Facebook or on personal emails. If you rule all of this out, then go to those same people that communicated the perception to you (whether they communicated directly or indirectly) and set them straight. Laziness, or the perception of laziness, is a career killer, so a rapid response on your part is important.

Being a good role model assumes you know the correct behavior to display, and, as your question points out, not everyone knows what that is. If I give your manager the benefit of the doubt, I would say she’s just trying to tell you (although failing miserably) that sometimes working when you have a slight cold or your stomach is a little upset is expected. On the other hand, if she is working when she’s contagious or too sick to be fully productive, then her message is flawed. My best advice to you is to make mature decisions. If you are infectious, stay home. If you are so sick you can’t think clearly, stay home. But make sure when you call in sick that you speak directly to her. And don’t ever, ever, ever try to make yourself sound on the phone like you are on death’s door. This is not convincing. This just raises suspicions that you’re faking it. When you return, immediately go to see her and let her know you’re back. Then get back to work.

This is a very common problem. I’ve encountered it at almost every job, and, if there’s a non-draconian quick fix, I don’t know what it is. The ways to communicate professional and acceptable attire are myriad. Write and present a dress code, privately speak to the inappropriate dressers, give them suggestions on alternate styles and cuts of clothing, tell them to look at their managers and emulate them, provide a wardrobe consultant. But if that doesn’t work, short of dressing them each day, there’s not much you can do other than send them home to change (if it’s really bad), and then follow your firm’s procedures for behavioral management, such as a verbal or written warning. Seems silly since the problem is so easy to fix, but so is being late to work and making personal phone calls, and we know how many employees get caught up in that behavior, too.

I would sit him down and tell him again, and don’t beat around the bush. Start with: “Alex, I continue to notice, and at this point so have other managers, that your communication is not very professional at times. Whether it’s ignoring someone’s ‘hello’ or being abrupt and condescending, it has a negative effect on others and has to stop. We’ve talked about this before, but I’m not seeing the improvement that I expected. I don’t want this to put your job in jeopardy, but it’s getting to that. So, given that the situation must change, what do you think is your best course of action?”

Then give the problem back to him where it belongs. Remember, most people don’t want to be a problem even if they don’t naturally want to “make nice.”

I think you already have your answer. Sit her down and tell her what you just told me (restraining yourself from repeating the “wring her neck” comment). I think she’ll get it because you will have presented a very balanced perspective on her strengths and weaknesses and the reasons you need her to change her behavior.

I feel your pain, but if you have positive and trusting relationships in the office, then those people already know you’re not the bad guy, and the word will spread over time. However, if you’re new to the job or don’t have strong relationships, then talk to your own manager and ask her to spread the word in her peer group that what you did was appropriate and necessary. Talk to co-workers whom you consider influential and explain your situation. You might start by saying, “I’m getting the feeling that many on staff don't understand that I had no choice but to escort ‘Lisa’ out of the office due to database security reasons (or any other non-private business reason). I hope you all understand that it was not personal, but I think some people think I was just being mean. Do you have any suggestions on how we could help them better understand?”

Nice is such an interesting word because, depending on the context, it can have a positive or a negative connotation. If by “nice” you mean respectful to others, thoughtful, friendly and supportive, then nice is very nice indeed. Keep at it! However, if being nice is a misnomer and what you’re really being is obsequious, manipulative, pandering or conflict avoidant, then nice is not nice at all. It’s just the opposite. The fact that you get nailed for “being too soft” makes me think that goals are not being met or your staff has performance issues. If that’s the case, maybe your “Mr. Nice Guy” persona needs some adjusting.

Sounds like a case of the tail wagging the dog. Let’s reverse that as well as your impending baldness. Keep your door open, but when someone enters and the time is not convenient for you, schedule an appointment right then and there for a later time that is convenient. Go to meetings, but if you feel your attendance is not mandatory, approach the meeting organizer when the meeting is scheduled and explore the reason he feels you need to be present. As for emails and calls, wean your colleagues off of their instant-messaging mindset. When they question you, just tell them you are managing multiple priorities and projects and are implementing some serious time management practices. This doesn’t mean that you let a fire rage out of control, but, by setting some boundaries for yourself and taking a thoughtful and less reactive approach to your work, I believe you’ll feel more in control and will probably be much more productive.

Interesting. You characterize your manager as a “great person,” but if what you tell me is accurate, he over-delegates, takes leave when his staff can’t, and raids other departments to get his own work done. I’m glad I’m not working for such a “great” person! But let me throw you a lifeline in the form of reframing the situation. You’re not drowning; you’re getting terrific job experience and developing time management skills. You’re not over-worked; you’re paying your dues and proving your value. You’re not a victim; you’re ultimately the one that stands to benefit the most from this situation. Reframe and know that a manager such as the one you have probably won’t be around forever. It’s hard to retain a job when you’re not doing it. Just keep doing yours, and you’ll come out ahead.

Many managers I know don’t delegate because they feel guilty. My response is: Feel guilty if you don’t delegate! Think about it. If you step up to bat, hit the ball and run the bases all by yourself, where’s the joy in that for everyone else? You may play the game better than they do now, but if you give them a chance, let them practice and benefit from your good coaching, then one day they’ll be hitting their own homeruns. Now, if you don’t delegate because you are a spotlight hog or have control issues, that’s a different story…

Funny you should ask! The Council has just posted a Sample Employee Handbook online at www.ciab.com, which contains sample policies and procedures on a wide variety of employment-related topics. You can print the handbook or download it into Word and customize it to best fit your firm’s specific needs. As to building support to implement a policies handbook, let the decision makers know that navigating employee-related liability without sound policies is the fastest way to find themselves up a creek without a paddle. In other words, tell your firm that not having legally compliant policies increases the risk of unfair and/or discriminatory treatment and inconsistent pay and benefit practices. Please note that the Sample Employee Handbook is being provided by The Council for information purposes only. It is not intended and should not be relied upon as legal advice. Firms are encouraged to seek advice from legal counsel before creating and implementing any employee handbook.

Your instincts may be correct, but I recommend you stick to the facts as you know them and proceed with some logic-based communication. Schedule some time with her, or if that’s not possible send her an email, and give her the timeline for each candidate. Include the date you ran the ad, the date you received the resume, the date you interviewed the candidate, and the date you submitted your recommendation. Let her see for herself how much of a delay she has caused. Tell her which candidate is your favorite. Ask her if you can go ahead and check references. Emphasize that good candidates get snapped up, even in a slow job market. Unfortunately, it may take losing one of the candidates to turn on the light for this executive, but at least you’ve done your best to keep the ball moving.

I understand the impatience to help selected employees get started on their job search, but slow down. The work you are proposing can be done just as well the day after they are terminated as the day before. By all means, do not go against management’s plan and continue covert operations. In fact, get on board and focus your energy on outplacement planning and strategies for those displaced. Work up a schedule of when you can meet with these employees and decide on what you can offer them. You may decide to give them the names and contact information of prospective employers and temporary and placement agencies. You may want to alert these agencies that you are having a reduction in force so they can be there for the employees tout de suite. You could offer printed sample resumes and cover letters and review their drafts. You could sit and talk to them and listen to their concerns and fears and help them strategize. Rest assured that regardless of the timing, they will be thankful for both the time and the help you give them.

Team dynamics intrigue me, particularly the readjustment phase when a new team member comes into the group. What you’re experiencing is a normal, natural process and would have happened even if the new person were a lapdog versus the bulldog she is. So don’t quit over this temporary situation. Know that when something upsets the balance of a group, everyone’s personal balance gets upset too. We become concerned that our place is not secure and worried that this new person will harm the group, and we quietly withhold our support (as you may be doing) or loudly wrestle the person into submission. Do neither. Welcome the new dog into the pack. Listen to her. Ask her opinion. Share information. Be positive. If she doesn’t settle down over the next few meetings, I would be surprised. If, however, she’s continues to bully her way through, then the team leader should be encouraged to coach her on team communication and relationship building.

Since you indicate that your example is not an isolated incident, then yes, I would encourage you to address the issue with your manager. Use a specific example so that she can anchor your comments in reality. Find a time that is relatively calm and when she appears to be in a good (or at least neutral) mood. Say something like, “Joan, a few times in the past few months, and particularly before our last big meeting, I didn’t feel like you were confident in my event planning abilities. After the meeting, you were incredibly generous with praise and I really appreciated it, but up until that point, I was very worried. Before our next meeting, or now if you have the time, can we talk about what I could do to make you more comfortable in the days leading up to the meeting?” This may be enough information for her to recognize the effect her behavior has on you and to act differently next time. It also opens the door to the possibility that there is information or meeting status reports that she needs and isn’t getting.

It surprises me how often I hear this lament from managers. My first reaction is to verbally knock you upside the head and say, “Who’s managing whom?” but I realize that’s less than helpful. My rational self suggests you reply to the next e-mail with one of your own that says, “Please come see me immediately regarding this unauthorized missed deadline.” I believe this message will set the tone for the meeting and define the seriousness of the issue. When he comes into your office, remain formal and firm, and let him know that continuing to miss deadlines has put (not will put) his job in jeopardy. Remind him that you have addressed this issue with him in the past and yet you’ve seen no improvement. Tell him you are willing to give him another chance to change his behavior although you will be putting a note into his personnel file, which you will remove when he stops missing or extending deadlines without approval. Ask him how you can help him meet deadlines and find out if there are any legitimate reasons for his subpar performance. Review his project list with him and confirm the deadlines. Communicate to him the consequences if he doesn’t clean up his act (only you can determine appropriate consequences). Send him back to his desk. Write the note to the file, including the consequences communicated. Obviously, if he does it again, apply the pre-determined consequences.

Most employers have a low tolerance for personal Internet usage. Some have no tolerance at all and will fire employees caught using company systems for personal use. Either way, they all struggle with ways to better manage the problem. A sound policy, clearly communicated and not easily misinterpreted would be a great start. If you already have such a policy, I would use the direct approach with Vicki. Tell her that you are concerned that her Internet usage is excessive because you see and hear her shutting down Web sites when you approach. Let her know that this quick-close cover-up is not working and that it’s alerted you to her potential misuse of company systems. If there is a next time, stop at her desk and say to her, “Vicki, were you just on the Internet?” She may say no, but you’ve let her know that you are vigilant and are no longer going to ignore the problem.

Voluntarily donating “excess” leave to a leave bank that other employees can benefit from works very well for some organizations but not for others. For instance, a small firm with a limited amount of administrative help may find the burden of creating policy and procedure and tracking leave donations and withdrawals to be too great. Also, donating leave may be in conflict with other existing policies or programs, such as a “use it or lose it” policy. Don’t just assume that your HR department is wrong. Instead, ask them (in a non-confrontational way) to explain why it won’t work at your firm.

As a member of the team, you have not only the right, but the responsibility, to be a full participant—this includes bringing up your concerns regarding progress and productivity. And, while you certainly don’t want to go down with the ship, you also don’t want the crew to toss you overboard, so proceed diplomatically and collaboratively. Assuming there is a team leader and regular team meetings, put progress towards deadline on the agenda. If there are no regular meetings, you could send an e-mail to the team, collegially expressing your concerns and suggesting solutions and/or offering to track progress towards goals. If nothing else, you’ll stimulate discussion, and you’ll have put yourself on the record as being concerned and trying to facilitate increased productivity.

Being open-minded is not guaranteed in any segment of the population, and we all have biases, whether we admit to them or not. However, those of us in positions (such as head of HR) to influence others and to ensure that the rights of all employees are protected are held to a higher standard. Hold her to this standard. If, when you take her an issue, you feel she is being biased, let her know. Say something like “I get the feeling that you don’t feel I’m being fair to this employee. Is this accurate?” This will open the subject in a non-threatening way and, I hope, will lead to discussion. It’s possible that she is not reacting to the minority status of the employee but something else that has a legitimate basis.

You’re getting some bad advice all the way around, and you’re not doing yourself any favors either. First of all, why would you want to get fired and then have your record follow you from job to job? And, why in this economy would you quit a job without another one lined up? Not to mention that unemployment benefits are never guaranteed regardless of the circumstances and are never as much as you’re making on the job. Here’s my best advice: If you hate your job, first find another one and then quit and leave behind a positive employment record. If you must quit without another job, do it professionally and with two week’s notice. Under certain circumstances quitting is not a barrier to unemployment benefits. Find out more via your state unemployment office’s Web site.

The numbers are in your favor as you seek to implement these programs at your firm. According to the 2008 Employee Benefits Survey from the Society of Human Resource Management, 59% of small employers and 62% of large employers offer flextime, which allows employees to select their work hours within limits established by their employers. Casual dress days are even more common, with 60% of small employers and 65% of large employers offering dress-down days at least one day per week.

Unless there's information you’re not sharing, this issue appears to be one of poor management decisions and/or communication versus one of discrimination. If I were reviewing this scenario from the inside, I’d have many questions: What’s the going market rate for the position? Are there plans to increase the other employees’ salaries at a later, standard salary review time? What were the factors considered when the increase was given? You may not be able to ask these specific questions, but you can request a meeting with your manager or HR to discuss pay practices. Don’t jump on the negative “this isn't fair” bandwagon until you have all the facts.

Fear of losing your job due to the economy is on many people’s minds right now. Worrying yourself sick is not going to get you the information you need to make an informed decision. If you don’t have access to publicly available financial information on your firm, try talking to your manager, the CFO or someone in HR. If you decide to go this course, don’t appear to be an alarmist or panic-stricken. A calm, professional approach is best.

I’m never an advocate of “outing” someone even if I think it’s in their best interest. Just because you’re in the know doesn’t mean you have the right or responsibility to break a confidence. My advice is to go to your co-worker and tell her your feelings—that you think keeping important, albeit personal, information from her manager is not her best and safest course of action. While her manager may not immediately do an about face, at least she will know that she’s given him a clear indication of the challenges she faces. I don’t see any value at this point in her hiding her situation when it’s clearly affecting her on the job.

Sorry, but I think it’s a really bad idea to ask your employer to advance you an entire year’s salary. It’s not that I don’t sympathize with you; it’s just that there are too many factors that work against you in the employer-as-banker scenario. The firm has to consider the financial risk, the hit on cash and the precedent set for other employees. You should consider the risks of making such a request and whether you want to be in such a vulnerable position. What if you are given this advance and your situation changes; say you become disabled, your job is eliminated, you find that new, perfect other job that pays 40% more. You would immediately be thrown into the situation to pay back your firm—probably in one lump sum. In my opinion, you’re already implementing the best solution—whittling down your debt while living within your means.

I think you can easily rid her of this habit by simply not responding to her e-mails or by replying to her e-mails with “Happy to discuss. Stop by when you have a minute.” My bigger concern is why she continues to do this after you’ve requested her to stop. Is it possible that she e-mails so that she has a record of your exchanges (maybe you or she have faulty or selected memory), or she’s covering herself just in case, or having everything in e-mail is her way of managing her to-do list? It might be useful to ask her to uncover the reasons behind the behavior in case there are underlying issues to resolve.

If you are a strong communicator, the next time he gets angry or defensive, wait an hour and let him cool down, and then go back to him and tell him that you hope he understands that it’s your job to track deliverables, that you are not judging him but instead are just gathering data, and that his anger really makes you uncomfortable. After you say those words, add “And I really don’t want to have to rat you out, but I don’t know what else to do, because I can’t do my job this way.” If he doesn’t stop, you may be forced to take the issue to HR or your manager.

It sounds like there is a trust issue here, but I don‘t have enough information to address that issue. So, I'll assume that you are not missing in action an inordinate amount of time, that your deadlines are met and that your work is good. (If this is not the case, then this is the egg that has to go before the chicken.) My best advice is, next time she says “Been on a smoke break?”, take a deep breath, let go of the anger, and say nicely “No, but I’m worried that you think I’m away from my desk too much. Just so you know, I usually take one 10-minute smoke break in the morning, have another during my lunch hour, and one mid-afternoon. Please let me know if this is too much.” At a minimum, you’ve addressed the issue head-on in a professional manner, and you’re bound to get an answer.

Very good question and one that came up during a recent manager’s workshop. I asked one of the participants to draft the answer to your question and he did an excellent job addressing both the personal and professional aspects of this issue, paraphrased as follows:

At the beginning of our discussion on this issue, I was quite outspoken with my thoughts against this policy. I believed completely that the policy hurts good employees while protecting bad ones. However, through the course of our discussion, I changed my mind as I more fully understood the reasons and intentions behind the policy. From a common sense perspective I view one goal of a quality HR program to be maintaining a fair workplace while minimizing risk to the company. I now more clearly understand the problems that may develop when an untrained manager offers a reference, as often times a personal opinion (good or bad) can outweigh the true “business” merits of that employee. I think it wise to let HR handle the process so that each and every employee gets equal treatment as he or she seeks to find new employment. In fact, now that I better understand the issues of discrimination, slander, libel and other potential liability, I’m happy to have this off of my plate!

If you aren’t violating any policies (particularly important since you’re a manager), aren’t distracting your co-workers to the point of reducing productivity, and you’re comfortable in your choices, then I also say “Viva la difference!” Everyone has the right to her own individuality and to add her own flair to a staid dress code; otherwise, we might as well have uniforms. However, not everyone can successfully pull off the look you describe, so if you are a role model to others in the organization who may not have a “hard-earned, fit body” and/or that may not command the respect you appear to at the firm, then you should consider stepping up to the plate and giving them some individualized dress-for-success advice.

I’m not a lawyer, so I can’t help you with legal implications. And you don’t tell me if you are the manager’s boss, colleague or someone who reports to her—important information to have so I don’t give you advice that would inappropriately put you in a bad position. The bottom line is that any type of overt discrimination causes me great concern for an organization’s health. Bringing it forward (even without names attached) may lead to positive change via constructive dialogue and education.

Left unchecked and unattended to, emotional issues can escalate into some pretty nasty physical ones. Stomach ulcers, chronic diarrhea, back pain and heart palpitations all spring to mind. Also, stress or “the blues” can be the ultimate destroyer of motivation and productivity. It’s my personal and strong opinion that if an employee needs a day to beat situational depression and/or to de-stress, then it’s a day well spent. It’s another story if the person has recurring absenteeism, but, just as an employee should be allowed time off for his six-month dental appointment in order to prevent oral disease and tooth loss, so should an employee be allowed time off to emotionally recoup to prevent bigger and more severe psychological and physical issues.

I’m assuming by your moniker that “gal” is not a label to which you object, and I have no doubt that many male (and female) professionals think that objecting to the use of “girls, gals and ladies” is a bit over the top. But, what’s good for a few geese is not necessarily good for the whole flock, and because you’re in HR, you should address this issue. Since the manager mentioned her discomfort in a “joking way,” you may want to help her find the words to speak up for herself if the situation repeats itself. If you feel the issue is more widespread and/or you’ve had other complaints, you might communicate the issue yourself. If you meet resistance, or worse, derision, you can politely say, “I’m giving you new information and some sound advice based on a complaint I’ve received. You’re free to make your own choice as to whether you follow my advice. But if I receive another complaint, then unfortunately we’ll have to have another conversation.” Typically, since neither is interested in further discussion, the issue goes away.

I’m glad to hear that you’re prepared to lay some groundwork prior to movin’ on up because it’s almost impossible to advance into management any other way. The quickest way to gain pre-management experience is to let your manager know that someday you’d like to be a manager and ask for her help in developing management skills. She may put you in charge of projects that involve other people, explain to you the management perspective on business decisions and policy implementation, and may even give you a supervisor’s title. Supervisors are typically hands-on and primarily involved in scheduling, tracking deadlines, training new employees and sometimes distributing work. This is an excellent way to learn the basics. If your manager is not available, you could have the same conversation with the person in charge of training and development at your firm. If there are others in similar situations, she may coordinate a basic management skills session. No training and development at your firm? Then take a low-cost seminar. There are many out there. They will give you some exposure to sound management principles and add to your list of skills on your resume.

Without additional information I can’t really pinpoint your exact needs, but at 30 employees and a system that is not working, I’d say any qualified HR help will be better than none. To give you an idea, for $60-$70 thousand, depending on your geographical location, you should be able to find a strong mid-level generalist. A generalist is an HR professional who has a broad skill base including compensation, benefits, employee relations, compliance and regulatory issues, policy and procedure, coaching and counseling, and performance management. With three to five years of experience at the management level, this person can handle the needs of your sized organization and grow with you in the future. Certifications such as the Professional in Human Resources (PHR) and/or a degree in the field are a plus. I suggest this person, if possible, does not report to the CFO. Since it’s the sole HR position it should report directly to the CEO or president. Reporting to the top leader is critical to an effective, objective and meaningful HR presence.

Even when you don’t have inordinately loud neighbors, concentrating in a cubicle can be very difficult. I find it’s most distracting when what I’m working on has to be near perfect, whether it’s writing a memo, working on a spreadsheet or preparing for a presentation. At these times, I find a conference room or borrow an office where I can work in peace. If you don’t think you have this option, ask your manager if he/she has any ideas—it may be she recommends working from home on the days you can’t be distracted or using noise quieting headphones or earplugs. If not, you could always enlist the help of others and create a cubicle quiet time for two hours each day so everyone has equal opportunity to concentrate on concentrating.

According to the recently published Society for Human Resources Management (SHRM) 2008 Employee Benefits Report, 59% of all firms and 61% of financial services companies offer flextime. Also, 57% of firms offered some form of telecommuting—47% on an ad-hoc basis, 35% on a part-time basis and 21% on a full-time basis. Thirty-seven percent offer a compressed workweek, 18% offer job sharing, 26% offer shift flexibility, and 6% offer a phased retirement program (a reduced schedule and/or responsibilities prior to full retirement allowing older workers to ease into retirement while passing along institutional knowledge).

Starting a flextime program is a difficult proposition unless you have the full support of upper management, but appealing to management’s keen business sense is a tried-and-true approach. In addition to the facts and figures above, SHRM provides an even more compelling reason to implement schedule flexibility: “Flexible working benefits are a cost-effective way to help employees balance their work and personal lives. According to the SHRM 2008 Job Satisfaction survey report, 44% of employees cited the flexibility to balance work/life issues as a very important aspect of job satisfaction. These benefits help organizations attract and retain high-quality talent and are a key factor in employee satisfaction.”

This is, unfortunately, a common situation, but there’s no need to flip a coin to decide which way to go. You can have a positive relationship with both your manager and the department head. You don’t have to choose between them, but you might want to be thoughtful about how you don’t choose. For example, if your manager says something derogatory about the department head in a meeting with others in attendance, I wouldn’t yell out, “Hey, that’s not fair, I really like him a lot!” What I would do is not join the fray. Sometimes refusing to participate in a boss-bashing discussion sends the message loud and clear. I would go ahead and say nice things about the executive when it’s appropriate. More directly, you could privately mention your discomfort to your manager.

Sometimes we play nice and do what’s called a “courtesy interview.” That way it is clear that you have done your best to evaluate the skills of the family member instead of ruling them out by just reviewing a resume. If you find they are not qualified, go to the relative on staff and tell them in person, in private, “Wow, I really enjoyed meeting your brother. He was really nice and funny—so glad I had the chance to meet him. I wanted to let you know, though, that he doesn’t have the (select one: skills, education, experience, abilities) that we are seeking. I’ll let him know too, but wanted to loop you in first.”

In many firms, HR really doesn’t have a choice—family members are brought in, some good, some bad, and somebody is assigned to manage them. In this case, make the best out of the situation and support the family member as you would any other employee.

Many managers would be thrilled if a member of their staff invited them to lunch, but sounds like that’s not your take on it. Maybe this person asks incessantly, brings up inappropriate issues over lunch, or has disgusting table manners. It’s hard to tell from your question, but regardless of the reason, a simple “I really appreciate your invitation, but I usually read during my lunch hour,” or some such recurring conflict, should help. Alternatively, you could have lunch with this employee once a month or once a quarter, at your invitation and at your convenience. That way you don’t have to field constant questions, and you’ll have some control over the situation.

Since you make reference to “another staff person,” I’m assuming you are not a member of management. And I can’t tell if the affair is something you know about firsthand (say the staff person told you about it or you saw them smooching behind the palm tree at the company holiday party) or if you know about the relationship via gossip, hearsay and suspicion. If it’s the former and you know the situation exists, then you could suggest to your friend that she/he talk to someone in human resources or, if she/he has a relationship with the staff person involved with the executive, she/he could mention the discomfort in hopes it clears the air or changes behavior. If the latter is true, that you’re really not so sure what’s going on, then let it be. I would hate to think that you would act on something not true. This could have a very negative effect on you and your professional relationships, not to mention the damage it could do to the others.

First of all, check your company policy and your benefit plan descriptions—you should find the answer there. A call to your benefits broker for clarification also may be a good idea. Or, you could simply manage the situation and avoid the part-time/full-time/benefits issue altogether. Accomplish this by increasing her scheduled hours without increasing them to the point that she falls within the definition of a full-time employee. For example, if your firm policy states a full-time employee consistently works more than 35 hours per work week, then you could schedule her for 32 hours a week and retain her part-time classification.

This is a good question, and a difficult one to answer without more specifics. However, a good rule of thumb is that interns can only be unpaid if the work they perform is primarily to gain academic experience—not to complete tasks for the employer. The internship has to add value to the intern’s course of study—typically, students get credit hours or grades that lead to a course credit from the experience. And, usually, to get such credit the internship program has to be documented and pre-approved by the institution. Conversely, and more commonly, if you’re using interns primarily for administrative support or as clerks (the way we do at The Council) and they get no college credit in any form—even if there is some experience gained—it’s probably wisest to pay them. It may be helpful to note that 80% of interns are paid.

The six-part test in the Field Operations Handbook of the federal Wage and Hour Division at http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/FOH/index.htm (Chapter 10, section 10b11: Trainees and Student Trainees) offers valuable guidance. You may also want to run your question by an employment attorney. It may seem like overkill at this point, but if you anticipate that you’ll have interns on a regular basis then it’s definitely worth it.

Glad to hear you’re aware that to be in legal compliance, you must inform both your employees and your callers of the practice of call monitoring. There are many telephone monitoring consent form templates and I’ve included one—but please modify it for your specific needs and in compliance with your specific state regulations. Also please note that the U.S. Department of Labor recommends a written policy accompany the form and that you send out a notice prior to actually implementing monitoring and that the laws in your particular state may limit your ability to engage in such monitoring activities.

SAMPLE CONSENT FORM: I understand that [company name] has implemented a telephone monitoring program. I understand that any or all of my conversations while using the telephone system at [company name] can and may be monitored or recorded. [company name] is implementing this policy to help ensure that customers receive a high level of service. Consent to the [company name] telephone monitoring program is a condition of my employment.
I hereby consent to allow [company name] and its agents to monitor, record, listen to, or otherwise intercept my conversations on [company name] telephones.

Employee Name: ________________________

Employee Signature: ________________________ Date: ____________________

I feel your pain. Many firms struggle with status issues when classifying employees, especially those who have direct client responsibilities. But generally if a part-time or full-time employee is primarily doing administrative tasks and/or typically works under set guidelines and direction, even if he has some direct client responsibilities, you are probably right to classify him as non-exempt. These issues, though, are very fact specific and you should review the guidance on the Department of Labor Web site at www.dol.gov to ensure that you are appropriately classifying the employee. This also may be a good time to review the categorization of your other employees as well to ensure that they are appropriately classified and you may want to discuss your conclusions with your legal counsel. Unfortunately, the exempt/non-exempt classifications have become a hot-bed for Department of Labor enforcement activities so verifying that you have made the appropriate classifications could be invaluable.

There are ways to mitigate the “stigma” associated with the non-exempt designation. Continue to treat nonexempt employees as valued professionals, implement time reporting but not something as radical or divisive as a time clock. Communicate to them and others the legal reasons and protections offered to these employees and let everyone one know that taking care of business—by complying with the Fair Labor Standards Act—protects all employees by minimizing firm liability.

Delegation is every manager’s key to success, so I’m glad you’re planning on passing some projects down a level. When I plan on delegating, I use the tried and true method of categorizing my tasks into four quadrants—first, those that are high priority and high risk. (I hold onto these and do them myself or give them only to my star performers—and I stay close to these since they need to be done quickly and carry a high risk if not done well. In other words, these projects take some hands-on management.) Second are those that are high priority and low risk (these I delegate freely but with strict deadlines). My third priority is those tasks that are low priority and high risk. (I reserve these for my proven employees and break the work down into phases. That way, I’m not in the day-to-day but can ensure, at logical points, that the project is going in the right direction.) Finally, I delegate those projects that are low priority and low risk (these can go to your entry-level employees if they have the requisite skills).

Also, don’t delegate to someone and expect them to have all the skills needed to get the job done unless you’ve already done the coaching and demonstrating and have allowed for practice, given feedback and planned for an appropriate learning curve. It takes some time up front to delegate effectively, but it’s time well spent and will help you keep projects on track and deadlines met. You’ll make up the time in the long run as you are comfortably able to pass down more and higher-level work.

This is delegation at its most basic and in a nutshell, but I hope it helps you at least think through all the work you have on your desk and helps you roll it downhill at a brisk but safe speed. Share it with those managers that report to you to help them develop their delegation skills.

Today’s employers try very hard to be flexible in both policy and in dealing with flexibility issues on a case-by-case basis. Balancing work and family/home issues is high on everyone’s priority list. I’m happy to hear that your organization is giving parents “breaks and more schedule flexibility” but am concerned that you believe they are not handing out the goodies equally. Assuming you are in a position that allows for a flexible schedule (for example, receptionists typically are not allowed this benefit) and your company has a flex policy or practice and you’ve asked but been denied (can’t tell from your question), then you may want to go back to your manager and (respectfully) ask for the reasons your request was not approved. It could be that those “parents” have made concessions in salary in exchange for the flexibility. It may be that they are in better standing or have longer tenure. It may be that their positions are classified as exempt and yours is not. Many companies do not want the added burden of tracking flexible time for an employee that they pay on an hourly basis. And it could just be that these employees made a sound business case for the flexible schedule. Please ask for an explanation—sometimes employees suffer because they assume the worst when really the company has solid, logical reasons for their decisions.

It’s always a challenge to keep an eager employee happy while they are learning the ropes. I think that if you sit down with this bright employee and map out her development path in terms of steps and goals, then you’ll have an easier time of it. Put it in writing. Many employees feel more secure about plans and agreements that are documented and that they can look at a now and again. List those current assignments that she is not up to snuff on as her first tier of goals to be achieved. Detail the areas in need of improvement. Then list what she gets to do next, attaching time frames (say, five days from completion of first tier goals). The beauty of this plan is that it puts the responsibility for growth squarely on the shoulders of the employee, where it should be. Your role is to keep your eye on next steps so that there is always a new opportunity or learning experience waiting for her.

Yes, yes, yes! Talk to someone who can help ASAP (i.e., do not leave a can of deodorant on his desk or leave snarky anonymous notes at his work station). Human resources professionals can handle this discretely and effectively. If you don’t have HR, then ask your manager to help. But what if your manager won’t help, what are your choices? Well, you can either turn from blue to purple, or you can talk to this person. I know that I would welcome someone telling me that I have green stuff in my teeth or toilet paper stuck to my shoe or that I have offensive body odor so that I could take care of it. It’s quite possible that this person just doesn’t know. Starting the conversation with words like “This makes me really uncomfortable, but if it were me I’d want to know” should help him hear what you have to say. Good luck. I hope you’re breathing fresh air soon.

My rule of thumb is if the additional responsibilities are significant in terms of volume of work, require her to acquire and/or use new skill sets, and are outside the realm of what could normally be expected of someone in her position, then a compensation adjustment may be in order. I say “may be” because if the employee is being overpaid based on internal and external considerations, then you may just be aligning responsibilities with her current salary. A promotion, and I take the word “promotion” to mean a change in job title or classification, is another matter. An increase in responsibilities and income does not always translate to a promotion in many organizations.

On the other hand, if you are giving her the chance to prove that she can perform at a higher level and if the new responsibilities are part of that trial, then it is within your rights to withhold additional compensation until your regular salary review period and then reward her or not based on her performance. I will warn you, however, that many employees consider this last option unfair. Upfront communication, giving her the option to accept or reject the opportunity that comes with the new tasks, should help keep any promo problems at bay.

Depends. If you are an employee in good (better yet, exceptional) standing, your manager is the open-door type and you have more than just that one data point, then yes, have a conversation. Do not expect your manager to have an immediate answer. Salary research and compensation management cannot be performed one employee and one request at a time. Both market data and internal equity issues have to be examined, so expect an answer to take some time. One thing for sure—needing a raise should not enter into the discussion. We all think we need a raise, probably your manager does too, but it’s a moot and inappropriate point.

Conversely, if you are a brand new employee, are not in good standing, do not have a positive relationship with your manager or only have one salary number out of the gazillions out there, then I would suggest you shore up both your performance and your relationship, and gather additional data, before you make your move. If you have an HR department, you might want to stop in and speak to someone there first.

First of all, kudos for standing your ground. It’s hard for others to understand the unspoken oath we take when dealing with confidential information, but we must keep trying to educate them. Tell your friend “Jane” that your job and career depends on keeping confidential information confidential, tell colleague “Tom” that you can’t discuss salaries for the same reason you would never reveal his salary to someone else—because you respect his right to privacy, and let “Ellen” know that her questions make you really uncomfortable because it feels like you have to choose between her friendship and doing your job.

If the third degree continues, find other lunch partners—ones that will respect and admire you for your professionalism. If you’re ever in Washington, D.C., give me a call. Sounds like we might have a lot to talk about.

Bereavement leave policies are wonderful in that they provide a grieving employee some time to deal with an emotionally difficult situation. The challenge is applying one set of procedures to individuals that may have different needs and wants. If everyone understands those two points, then things have a better chance of running smoothly. Generally, if someone needs additional time, an organization will approve the use of available sick and/or vacation leave. If there is no available leave, many firms approve leave without pay (LWOP) or, for long-term employees that are in good standing, may advance a small amount of vacation leave. In no instance should an employer require an employee to return to work if the employee is emotionally not ready. This is counterproductive.

When the deceased falls outside the list of relationships typically covered by such policies (parent, grandparent, child, grandchild, partner, spouse or sibling) then the firm can opt to consider approving bereavement leave on a case-by-case basis. Know that this is hard to manage and apply indiscriminately. You may prefer to stand by the letter of the policy and explain that every policy has limitations, but then work with the employee to coordinate vacation leave, sick leave and/or LWOP.

You pose a hard question and a difficult one to answer. My best advice is to find the balance through communication, empathy and understanding. Even if you can’t give the employee exactly what he or she wants, you can make them feel cared for, understood and fairly treated.

Mixed emotions. If these employees are superstars during the day—highly focused, highly engaged, highly productive—and defined productivity goals are being met or exceeded, then I would say that you have a work environment with a healthy balance between social interaction and high-intensity productivity. This is a good thing. Let it be.

On the other hand, if these employees continue their lackadaisical approach throughout the day, then you need to step in and light some fires. The first step might be to develop goals and measurements—ideally write them down, meet with each employee to gain acceptance and agreement, check in regularly to monitor progress, and debrief once the goals are achieved (or missed). At the same time, reiterate that 9 a.m. is the time to start working and 5:30 p.m. is the time to stop working, acknowledging the need for breaks during the day to eat lunch, to go to the restroom and to build business relationships. These steps should help pick up the pace. For those who lag behind, individual counseling is in order.

Many employees have some sort of negative emotional reaction to constructive criticism. They may get angry and express it verbally or physically, shut down, fidget, bite their nails, flee the scene, argue, whine and, yes, cry. Anticipating these responses and planning what you’ll do will help you better handle the situation. I’ve found the most effective way to deal with tears is to anticipate them and then address them directly. If the person is basically under control—able to think and respond—you may choose to continue the discussion with the idea that the loss of control is fleeting. However, if the employee can’t respond and/or is sobbing, just say, “I’m sorry to see that our conversation has upset you, but this information is really important for you to have. Why don’t I step out for a few moments and give you some privacy. Can I get you some water?” If, when you return, the employee is still tearful, say, “Why don’t we reschedule this meeting for later today? Does 2 p.m. work for you?” The idea is to acknowledge the tears, but not take responsibility for them and not avoid the issues or the employee. Your goal is to get the information communicated. In addition, in a calm moment, take her aside (or ask HR to) and coach her on the need to contain her emotions at work. Normalize emotions by telling her that at times we all experience anger, fear, sadness and frustration at work, but also let her know that controlling her emotions is necessary in a professional environment.

Treating employees differently becomes tricky only if you are selecting people to telecommute (or not) on the basis of age, race, gender, religion or any of the other protected classes... in other words, if the practice is negatively discriminatory.

That said, you can let one person have a benefit others don’t have for various non-discriminatory and bona fide business reasons. The following are a few situations that may form the basis for a legitimate decision differentiating one employee’s work situation from another.

• Is in a position that can be effectively performed in a home environment and the other jobs cannot;
• Is in a position that can be easily tracked and measured by management and the others cannot;
• Is a superior performer with a documented track record of working without supervision, unlike the others;
• Has relocated and wants to continue to work for the company but the distance precludes physical commuting, and the others are not in the same situation;
• Has all the necessary resources at home to do the job properly and the others do not;
• Is in a position that is classified as exempt; therefore, you don’t have to worry about overtime tracking and related compensation issues, and the others are not; or,
• The telecommuter has a unique situation, such as a medical condition that precludes him/her from coming to the office, but which does not prevent the employee from working at home.

I hope this helps get you started. To give you more precise direction, I’d need to know the specifics of why you want to allow one employee to work remotely but not others. To avoid all homework-related headaches, consult your employment attorney to ensure that you’re on firm legal ground.

Part of being a “really good employee” is getting along with your co-workers on a day-to-day basis. If John is consistently identified as having poor interpersonal skills unless he’s with his two or three friends, then he needs some firm and constructive guidance.

Employees, typically those new to the professional world, mistake superiority, formality and aloofness for professionalism. I’ve even heard an employee state that her interpersonal communications were professional because she never raised her voice, never used bad language, and tried to ignore those with whom she had disagreements. However, it was well known that she frequently was rude and harsh (without raising her voice), talked behind others’ backs and played favorites in terms of helping or communicating with others. Just goes to show you how mistaken we can be when it comes to relationships.

My best advice is to sit John down, offer him several specific examples of situations where he used poor interpersonal skills, tell him what he did wrong, explain the consequences of his actions, and give him resources and directives to ensure improvement. There are countless interpersonal skills seminars out there, and the simple act of requiring him to attend one may be as effective as the information he receives once there. Also, talk to him about his positive relationships and the terrific communication skills you observed when he’s with his friends. Give him positive feedback for what he’s doing right, and help him to identify ways to bring those skills to bear with other employees.

Gender identity can be a complex issue, and one that requires sensitivity, but if you are used to dealing with anti-discrimination at work, then you’re most of the way there. I’m assuming from your letter that you are treating Emily in a non-discriminatory fashion, that there is no harassment and that she is able to dress in a manner consistent with her self-identified gender. But I notice that you refer to Emily as “he.” San Francisco’s Human Rights Commission (SFHRC) is specific in this regard, stating “deliberate misuse of appropriate forms of address and pronouns” is a type of gender identity harassment. So, not only must personnel records reflect the change in name and pronoun, so too should co-workers refer to the individual in a manner consistent with his/her gender identity. In your case, Emily is always referred to as “she.”

San Francisco also gives a transgendered employee the legal right to use the restroom that corresponds with his/her self-identified gender. The SFHRC suggests that “all single-use bathrooms be designated gender neutral (unisex) and that all places of public accommodation and employment provide a gender neutral bathroom option.” However, even if you have a designated unisex bathroom in addition to a traditional single-gender bathroom, Emily cannot be denied the right to use the women’s restroom.

For additional information, go to www.sfgov.org. Also, take a look at California’s Fair Employment and Housing Act (FEHA) and Senate Bill 777. I also strongly advise consulting an employment attorney for counsel and assistance. Your attorney can help you create legally sound policy and craft employee communications to help you explain any workplace changes.

Hmmm…your firm “has a policy” that is frequently ignored by both staff and management, and this is condoned unless someone lodges a subjective complaint. I would say that satanic screen savers are the least of your worries. Policies are great when a firm consistently enforces them, but they are a dangerous liability when enforcement is inconsistent. Let’s look at a worst case and admittedly extreme scenario: Let’s say your satanic fan is disabled, over the age of 40 or a member of a protected minority group. How quickly do you think the specter of discrimination will rear its ugly head if you treat this employee differently from others—not to mention that some consider Satanism a religion whose practice may be legally protected. Consider the myriad photos in life that have the potential to offend others’ sensibilities: the picture of Pat’s adorable niece at her first Communion holding a Bible, the snapshot Chris took on vacation of partially nude Roman statuary, a picture posted by Terry of “L’il Bush,” a not-so-flattering caricature of President Bush and the animated star of a popular television show. I could go on and on.

Best advice: Enforce your own company policy because it is a sound policy with vast implications and much needed protection. Computers are business equipment to be used for business. This includes e-mail systems, use of the Internet, screen savers and document files. They all fall under the business umbrella. Explain this when you tell employees to refrain from using computers for anything other than firm business. Most employees would be hard pressed to argue the point. And when you see someone not following policy, please don’t turn a blind eye. If you do, you may find yourself blind-sided by liability that could have easily been avoided.

Do you have a human resources department? If so, go talk to them. While this may sound like an unsolvable problem, I promise you HR won’t think so. If, heaven forbid, you are in human resources and so is your loud-mouthed boss, or you don’t have an HR resource, I would still seek help within the firm. Find a trusted manager that may have witnessed the behavior firsthand. Tell him about your struggle (emphasis on you—don’t speak for others—but encourage them to seek help also) and ask for assistance and guidance. They may take it on themselves, or they may counsel you on what steps you can take to shut this guy up.

Alternatively, stand up for yourself on your own! I know this sounds scary, but if you are thinking of quitting if this doesn’t get resolved, you need to do something other than quietly fume. Next time loud-mouth tries to shut you up, look at him straight in the eye and say with a smile, “Joe, I really think I have a good point. Can I finish what I have to say?” or “Joe, we need to talk about the ABC project. Can we add it to next week’s agenda?” If you pose your requests as questions, Joe can still feel he’s in control. And, while you think he won’t respond well to a heart-to-heart, I’m not so sure. Since most control freaks are seeking to mask deep insecurity, many an unpopular manager has been tamed by a compassionate, understanding and supportive one-on-one. Earn his trust and you might just earn some uninterrupted time at the podium.

Dress codes only go so far. They stipulate many things, but style is not one of them so you may have to take additional steps if someone’s appearance is threatening to hold them back. Before you proceed, ask yourself: If these young employees were male, would you feel as compelled to coach them on attire? What about make-up? And are you sure that they look inappropriate versus just dressing in a manner that doesn’t correspond to your taste?

That said, personal presentation is an important component of any job in which an individual regularly meets and greets customers. This is true for both males and females, and coaching someone on personal presentation is just a form of coaching for interpersonal and communication skills. You can do this several ways. Hold a lunchtime session for all new employees on dressing for success or privately discuss proper attire with each employee prior to their first customer meeting. Give them some friendly pointers and identify a role model in the office. But stay away from gender-specific issues; make-up is a good example of that. Be sensitive to weight issues and budgets. Hurting an employee’s feelings or, worse yet, setting the stage for discrimination charges, won’t get you where you want to go.